Communication Breakdown...
The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For example, take a simple phrase like, "Secure the building."
• The Army will put guards around the place.
• The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
• The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy.
• The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post
Why Rednecks Make Good Soldiers
Dear Ma & Pa:
Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt & brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt & Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, they git warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc..., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food. But tell Walt & Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys gets sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors & Colonels just ride around & frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt & Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Be sure to tell Walt & Elmer to hurry & join before other fellers get into this setup & come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter, Gail
P.S. Speaking of shooting, enclosed is $200 towards a new barn roof & ma's teeth. The city boys shoot craps, but not very good.
The Navy Wife
A Navy Wife is no ordinary woman. Operating for months at a time without the companionship or assistance of her husband, she routinely overcomes challenges that would give the average person a nervous breakdown. Part Doctor, part Teacher and part Handyman, she can lavish loving care on a sick toddler, help a teenager with his Algebra homework, and track down a faulty circuit breaker -- all while holding down a full time job. With thirty minutes notice, she can serve breakfast, lunch, or dinner to fourteen hungry Sailors, and still somehow balance her family's meager grocery budget. She can press a set of dress whites to inspection standards, tie a perfect square knot in a military neckerchief, and pack a seabag in the cold hours before dawn. For months at a time, she must settle for letters instead of kisses, emails in place of hugs, and long-distance phone calls in lieu of her husband's touch.
She manages a smile when her Sailor is at sea for the second Anniversary in a row, and accepts the fact that there's a one-in-three chance that he will have to stand Duty on her Birthday. She has learned to stand on a pier and wave goodbye without tears, even when her heart is breaking. To her children, she is Chauffeur, Umpire, Psychologist, Spiritual Advisor, Financial Consultant, part-time Father, Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny.
To her husband, she is Friend, Lover, Partner, Confidant, and Soul-Mate. She is a patriot. She is the sort of citizen that all of us should be, but so few of us are. She lives with sacrifice, because she believes in the rights and ideals that her husband defends. Although she wears no uniform, she is a part of that defense -- a vital link in the chain of Freedom. Although she wears no medals and will reap no glory on the field of battle, she is a hero in the truest sense of the word. She is a Navy Wife.
© 2005 Jeff Edwards
The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For example, take a simple phrase like, "Secure the building."
• The Army will put guards around the place.
• The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
• The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy.
• The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post
Why Rednecks Make Good Soldiers
Dear Ma & Pa:
Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt & brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt & Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, they git warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc..., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food. But tell Walt & Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys gets sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors & Colonels just ride around & frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt & Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Be sure to tell Walt & Elmer to hurry & join before other fellers get into this setup & come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter, Gail
P.S. Speaking of shooting, enclosed is $200 towards a new barn roof & ma's teeth. The city boys shoot craps, but not very good.
The Navy Wife
A Navy Wife is no ordinary woman. Operating for months at a time without the companionship or assistance of her husband, she routinely overcomes challenges that would give the average person a nervous breakdown. Part Doctor, part Teacher and part Handyman, she can lavish loving care on a sick toddler, help a teenager with his Algebra homework, and track down a faulty circuit breaker -- all while holding down a full time job. With thirty minutes notice, she can serve breakfast, lunch, or dinner to fourteen hungry Sailors, and still somehow balance her family's meager grocery budget. She can press a set of dress whites to inspection standards, tie a perfect square knot in a military neckerchief, and pack a seabag in the cold hours before dawn. For months at a time, she must settle for letters instead of kisses, emails in place of hugs, and long-distance phone calls in lieu of her husband's touch.
She manages a smile when her Sailor is at sea for the second Anniversary in a row, and accepts the fact that there's a one-in-three chance that he will have to stand Duty on her Birthday. She has learned to stand on a pier and wave goodbye without tears, even when her heart is breaking. To her children, she is Chauffeur, Umpire, Psychologist, Spiritual Advisor, Financial Consultant, part-time Father, Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny.
To her husband, she is Friend, Lover, Partner, Confidant, and Soul-Mate. She is a patriot. She is the sort of citizen that all of us should be, but so few of us are. She lives with sacrifice, because she believes in the rights and ideals that her husband defends. Although she wears no uniform, she is a part of that defense -- a vital link in the chain of Freedom. Although she wears no medals and will reap no glory on the field of battle, she is a hero in the truest sense of the word. She is a Navy Wife.
© 2005 Jeff Edwards
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